Yesterday was not a prolific day. As I was free of the wee one, I had planned to spend the evening writing, plotting, scheming, and steaming. But this was not to be. Somewhere between work and when I left work (i.e. stood up from my desk in the home office and declared “IT IS DONE!”) something simply snapped, and all creativity went away as quickly as water down an in-flight toilet.

So, I decided to wrangle myself and read Chapter Two into the microphone. However, GarageBand decided to have a complete and utter meltdown, and I was left with two hours of work down the same proverbial airline toilet.

Still, I couldn’t just let it go. I couldn’t say to myself: “Natania, today is not a writing day, no matter how much you want it to be.” No, I am painfully stubborn. So after dinner I went upstairs, after taking a lovely walk through town with my husband, and tried my hand at the next chapter.

Alas, this was a bad idea. I wrote, I deleted. I wrote… yes, I deleted some more. Finally, I went downstairs and subjected myself to the worst of the worst: reality TV.

This is not characteristic of my process. My close friends will tell you I’m typically a very optimistic person. Usually, when the creativity runs dry (or Aelfric, my muse, is out somewhere on a mead binge) I simply let it be. I do something else: write a song, play guitar, paint a picture, do some knitting.

I guess yesterday the weight of novel writing just got to me. I stared at the binder in Scrivener, and felt the immense pressure of the 15 chapters I’ve (mostly) edited, and the 15-20 to come looming over me. I felt like Damocles, sword hovering inches from the top of my head, swinging ever so slightly on the taut hair holding it there. And for that moment, that scary moment, it was too much.

I realize this all sounds very wussy. And that’s fine, maybe I am a wuss. I can own up to it. I suppose it’s like cold feet before getting married; I’m trying to commit myself to this (case in point, the words you a reading upon this page in particular). But I also want to be honest with myself.

Eventually, I just went to bed. And really, that’s it. I woke up this morning, refreshed. Sometime around midday I came up with a plan. I rented three movies (Unforgiven, the Golden Compass, and Steamboy) for dinner, and cooked a “cowboy” dinner–ribs, beans, and corn. I must say the ribs were fantastic. I haven’t seen the movies yet, but I’m hoping they do the trick.

But, today, I won’t try and write. Because, sometimes, I think it’s okay just to wait for it. Whatever “it” is–I don’t know. I’ll keep you posted.

Natania’s (Hopefully) Inspiring Cowboy Pork Ribs

Prepare ribs with a rub consisting of:

1 tsp paprika

4 tbsp brown sugar or sugar in the raw

1 tsp smoked salt

1/2 tsp black pepper

Preheat your grill to its highest setting, and once it’s warm, put the ribs on. Then, turn the temperature all the way down. Cook until the meat is tender, and you can separate the ribs from the bone easily.

Meanwhile prepare BBQ sauce: 1/4 cup ketchup, 3-4 tbsp smoked chipotle Tabasco sauce, 2 tbsp mustard, 2 tbsp maple syrup.

When the ribs are ready, dip in the sauce or toss in the sauce (depending on how saucy you are!)

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